I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
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I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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