it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
