Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
