What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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