Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
