when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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