They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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