He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
