just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Are we still banned from the library?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Come on in and take your pants off
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