you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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