You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
