put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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