My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
