You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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