just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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