Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
