So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
