in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
