the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Sex in the backyard? Check.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
