Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
