When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
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Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
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And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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