Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
