Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
