I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
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I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
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I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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