i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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