sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
