Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
