I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I want you more than these girls want KFC
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
