Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
