Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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