good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
