we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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