I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
