Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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