my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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