Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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