Plan B is the new Plan A
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
