I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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