you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize