I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
