I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
