Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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