That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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