That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
