i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
