So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Drunk is not a location!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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