winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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