you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Everclear isn't food dammit
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
