if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
