hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
