tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
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I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
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I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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