I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
