i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
