i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
