Just fell off a train. Bad.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
