i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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