i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So many bounce houses so little time
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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