I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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