Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
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and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
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You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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