Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
