i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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