Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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