i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
