I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
