Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
