he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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