My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
