I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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