Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
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Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
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It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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